Clayton Makepeace has released the latest issue of ‘Total Package’. The featured article by Drayton Bird is titled “Yes, friends, it’s dejà vu all over again ““ five pieces of advice for the recession”. [Article]


Clayton Makepeace has released the latest issue of ‘Total Package’.

The featured article:

Yes, friends, it’s dejà vu all over again ““ five pieces of advice for the recession

by Drayton Bird

Recessions are not new to me. I was born in the middle of the biggest one in the 20th century.

And through boundless folly, I’ve managed to create a few of my very own over the years.

But the one which brings back the fondest memories was in the seventies, when the deeply unpleasant Heath and the cheerily incompetent Callaghan (two useless prime ministers, for those of you who don’t follow ancient British history) did a great job of screwing up the country.

Actually, that’s unfair. The unions did.

Under Heath we had a three-day working week. Yes, we were only allowed to work three days out of seven: There wasn’t enough power for the other days. Under Callaghan, bodies were left unburied – really – and garbage uncollected. So you see, living in “Merrie England” has its own special problems.

And before all the scary headlines have you hiding under your bed, you might like to know that at that time the stock market dived by 90%. I read that the other week in a piece by Lord Young, who lost his shirt then, but has done rather well since.

What led to success

In those dear, dead days two partners and I started a direct marketing agency. In under four years we were the biggest in Britain (not very big really ““ it was a fairly small industry then).

This was partly because my partners were ““ and are ““ very talented, and partly because we promoted ourselves in every possible way. (Have you noticed how most agencies don’t really believe in marketing; they just suggest it to their clients?)

But mostly it was because hardly anybody else had a clue about direct marketing, and, even more importantly, we were too damn busy to think about the economy.

So my first piece of advice is this: The only economy that matters is your economy.

If the economy – thanks to crooks who walked away with billions, investment “experts” who gave them away and regulators who never noticed ““ nosedives by 30%, that just means you have to improve your results by 30%. And without boasting, we do that ““ and usually a lot more – for clients every week.

Before you say I am boasting, let me explain. There is no magic; no special talent; we and a few others just apply simple principles which have been around for as long as 150 years. And since human nature hasn’t changed, they still work.

Still clueless after all these years

But the question is, why doesn’t everybody follow these principles? They do not require any great genius.

Well as far as I can see most clients (and their agencies) are as clueless now as they were in 1977. Maybe more so. Occasionally I wonder if some people only fetched up in this industry because there were not enough vacancies for village idiots.

For example, I received this on December 23rd:

Seasons Greetings from XXXX

We manufacture for the music, software and film industries, all sectors of the business world, education institutions and charities. Our range includes all CD and DVD formats, vinyl, posters, T-shirts and print. With our in-house art workers we also offer a full design service, including high quality digital Cromalin proofs.

If you are in a hurry we also duplicate and print CDs and DVDs in house. Along with printed CD booklet and inlays, posters and DVD inlays.

Now, ignore the missing apostrophe in the heading ““ literacy is too much to expect nowadays. Just ask what kind of moron thinks it is smart marketing or even polite to follow a Christmas message with a list of what they do?

But I got quite a few similar messages over Christmas – one from a huge international firm that specializes in website optimization ““ which we do, only we call it “making your website make more money.”

So my second piece of advice is, cheer up: There are so many twits around that even moderate competence should see you through the gloomy times ahead.

Luxuries you can do without

My third piece of advice is, look for the inessentials that have crept in over the last twenty years. You don’t need to pay for them. They won’t make you any money. Honestly.

For example:

– The fact that your agency’s reception looks like a five-star restaurant will not improve your responses. It just adds to their costs and your bills.

– The same applies to their beautiful glass building and their beautifully appointed conference rooms. These are for meetings, which are also highly unlikely to boost your profits ““ see the next point ““ and presentations, ditto.

– Avoid meetings. Most are held for four reasons. First, because people have nothing better to do. Second, to avoid making a decision. Third, if a decision is actually reached, to make sure no individual can be blamed. Fourth, to fix the time of the next meeting.

– If you are introduced to someone called a “planner”, this means their creative people don’t understand customers and their account handlers don’t understand strategy. Agencies did perfectly well without planners for 130 years. They were just invented to bamboozle clients.

– Have no pitches. They are a complete waste of time, money and energy. Just ask good people to do tests. If you would like to know why, go to http://drayton-bird-droppings.blogspot.com/ and look at the entry for October 31, 2008.

– Avoid presentations. When reviewing creative, ask to speak to the people who did it. Don’t waste time talking to the account handlers. One of my clients has started three successful businesses with Sir Richard Branson. He refuses to pay for them; he just wants to meet the people who have the ideas.

– Oh, and why not ask yourself how your account handler will improve your profits? If they don’t come up with an idea worth trying at least once a month, refuse to see them. An alarming number are just street decoration.

Questions about your website

– Suggestion number four: spend a lot of time thinking about your website. Most customers go there before buying anything. But most websites are bloody useless. This is because people don’t ask themselves some pretty simple questions, like:

What is my website for?

What am I doing to get people to go to it?

What am I doing to get people to stay on it for as long as possible?

What am I doing to collect names?

What am I doing to turn those names into money?

What am I doing to measure what happens on my website? (Google Analytics is almost entirely
free).

Is the copy in English or is it pretentious jargon? I spend a lot of time rewriting website copy; usually I have to start by asking people what they actually mean by some of the phrases they use; many find this quite taxing.

Most people do not ask themselves these questions. Last month my partner Alastair boosted website enquiries for one client by 600% by asking them, then making a few simple changes. And that client is not a chump; he is the leader in his field.

A helpful suggestion

Again, we are not the only people who ask these questions. Just make sure the people you deal with do.

My fifth piece of advice comes from the old joke about the man who was looking for Carnegie Hall in New York. When he asked a bystander how to get there, the reply was: “Study.”

The chief reason why direct marketing is so bad ““ especially online ““ is that people don’t study. Why waste your life learning by painful trial and error what cleverer people than you have known for years and taken the trouble to write down? There is nothing ““ absolutely nothing ““ that you can’t pick up by reading a few books.

Apart from mine, which I naturally think are wonderful, you will find some I recommend at http://www.draytonbird.com/Marketingbooks. The best one (no, it’s not mine) is free ““ you can download it.

I hasten to add that I do not consider myself cleverer than you. My secret weapon is stupidity. But that is another subject.

Contributed by Drayton Bird, Hon. F IDM

Guest Contributor

THE TOTAL PACKAGE

For more tips like this, e-mail drayton AT draytonbird DOT com saying “Ideas” (www.draytonbird.com)

Attribution Statement: This article was first published in The Total Package. To sign-up to receive your own FREE subscription to The Total Package and claim four FREE money making e-books go to www.makepeacetotalpackage.com.

*IMNewsWatch would like to thank Clayton Makepeace for granting permission to reprint this article.

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